


The Panther

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Domestic Discipline, Established Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-18
Updated: 2005-02-18
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: A prisoner paces in a hidden cage.





	The Panther

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

THE PANTHER 

By Rilke

 

His vision, from the constantly passing bars, 

has grown so weary that it cannot hold anything else. 

It seems to him there are a thousand bars;

and behind the bars, no world. 

As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,

the movement of his powerful soft strides

is like a ritual dance around a center

in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.

Only at times, the curtain of the pupils lifts, 

quietly--An image enters in, rushes down 

through the tensed, arrested muscles, 

plunges into the heart and is gone. 

 

 

The Panther

For Lorelei's Birthday

 

 

It was the last enclave. At least, we hoped that was true. We were all tired. Mulder kicked at a Grey's body, making sure it was dead. The plam in its neck seemed to assure that, but sometimes they surprised us.

 

"We better check for prisoners," I said.

 

"Yeah," Mulder said. He grimaced. 

 

This was never a pleasant chore. Their charges were always damaged, sometimes mentally as well as physically. I've seen things they did to people that made the mutilations I saw in Vietnam pale.

 

I checked the monitors before we went down to the place where they kept their experimental animals. The third cell held a pacing man. He moved fluidly, his pace smooth and relentless. With every fifth stride, he wrenched at the bars and then resumed his mad circle.

 

I knew him. I had killed him, but why was I surprised? We'd found others that we thought dead. Mulder's father among them. Scully never ceased to hope that we would one day find her sister, Melissa, but it appeared she was truly gone.

 

I hadn't killed Krycek. I was relieved actually. We had a history. Does that surprise you?

 

Krycek was thin, a wisp of his former self. They kept him naked in his cell. There was a shock collar around his neck. I could see the whip marks on his back. As I watched, I saw Spender approaching. His gun was in his hand.

 

I knew instantly what he had in mind. I ran quickly toward the location indicated on the screen. I was almost too late. I fired as Spender fired. I aimed for the shoulder, but my aim was off. I put a bullet right in his head; his bullet plowed into Alex's chest.

 

It was a serious chest wound. If there hadn't been an ace paramedic team with us, Alex would have died.

 

In the hospital, he fought for life despite the damage and despite the abuse to which he had been subjected. He had no visitors but me. Hell, I don't think he knew I was there half the time, but I still went.

 

Damn, he looked so young. As young as he had been when I had taken him to my bed. I moved a wisp of hair from his forehead and stroked the wings of his brows smooth. His eyes opened to me and he stared at 

me cloudily. "Walter," he said.

 

"Me" I agreed.

 

"He told me what he made my replicant do to you," Krycek said.

 

"When were you replaced?" I asked.

 

"Silo," Krycek whispered.

 

Damn, I had screwed the creature with which they had replaced my lover then. I was sick with the realization. It was bad enough to feel guilty for behaving as I had. 

 

I spent a lot of time, lying awake, trying to figure out if I had raped him or not. He hadn't said, 'no', but he hadn't said 'yes' either.

 

"There's a lot you missed," I said. "Why did he keep you alive?"

 

"More merciless than letting me die," Krycek answered. His eyes closed wearily. His face was pale and his lashes seemed like jet against the marble of his skin.

 

I waited a while, but his healing body had pulled him deeply back to sleep. 

 

~~~~~~

 

I don't know what he thought would happen when he was well enough to be released. I'd sent him into that mess after he confessed to me. I wasn't proud of that fact. At the time, I had leapt for the chance to have a spy in the Consortium. Later, I realized what I had done. 

 

Damn it, Alex had come to me for help and I sent him back into that nest of serpents. Later, I thought they broke him and brought him back into the fold. The last time, I saw him; he brought me the MJ files. I had my own people break the code. It took them years, but 

they managed. I should have told Mulder, but somehow, I believed he was safer not knowing. The man punched me when I finally told him that I had the disc.

 

So, here I was with my second chance. I decided that I was going to have it. I deserved a happy ending.

 

Alex was as wary as a cat. The only reason he agreed to be released to my care was that he was too weak to be let go on his own. I thought I understood how he felt. He must have felt that I had betrayed him, gone on with my life, believing the worst of him.

 

I wanted to tell him that I had never stopped hoping that he would show me the man that I had loved beneath the hard face of the enemy agent. It would be a lie though. I stopped believing the first time he used the nanobytes on me. I might have even forgiven that if the replicant hadn't gone after Mulder and Scully.

 

I settled Alex in my bed, plumping the pillows and fussing like an anxious mother. 

 

"Are you going to sleep here too?" he asked.

 

"I could sleep on the couch," I said.

 

"It's all right. It's your bed, Walter," Alex replied.

 

"Would you like some juice?" I asked. He was still on an invalid diet and I had ordered supplies from the grocery store. They should be delivered soon.

 

"No, don't fuss," Alex said. 

 

"Why?" I asked.

 

His eyes looked wild for a moment and he said, "Do you have any idea why he kept me alive? He made me a whore, Walter. I can't even count how many men I've been with since you last saw me. You don't want me."

 

"Don't tell me what I want, boy!" I growled.

 

His eyelashes shaded his eyes. He looked away. I was never sure if he was as oblivious to how beautiful his profile was at that angle... 

 

I kissed the side of his face as the doorbell rang. "Rest," I 

said, "I'm going to make you some consomme from scratch."

 

Alex rolled his eyes, but I had earned a slight smile. He knew that I didn't really like to cook. For me to go through that for him was a message to my lover.

 

~~~~~~

 

By the time that I had the stock simmering, Alex was fast asleep. I moved a chair to watch him. It was not the first time although in the past, it had been for other reasons.

 

The night he confessed to me that he worked for Spender, he had wept. He wanted me to forgive him so badly. I came up with my disastrous plan, but even that was not enough. He needed absolution and finally, 

I had put him over my knees. His ass was two beautiful rounds, pink and white like mother of pearl. I told him this was his punishment for not telling me from the first and I spanked him. It wasn't a token spanking either nor was it a sexy one. I beat his ass as my Sergeant Harmon beat mine for visiting a girl in a village near our camp. The next night, a man from another unit was killed along with his girlfriend and her family. I was never so grateful for a 

sore ass as I was when I heard that.

 

I spanked Alex until his delicate skin flamed red and radiated heat. I spanked him until he sobbed himself to sleep. That night, I watched over him, unable to rest. I wanted to protect him yet I thought he could help me topple the corruption within the FBI and the government. I made a choice. He did help me find some of the answers. 

Hell, even his replacement had dropped some significant clues. That made me wonder if the clones held some of the nature of the person whom they shared a genetic map. Perhaps even that alien creature felt something of the love that Alex and I had shared and had some of the courage it had taken Alex to go back to Spender as my spy. 

 

Alex frowned in his sleep. His forehead wrinkled and his lips pursed in an expression of discomfort. A small sound emerged from him and his hands gripped the bedding. His eyes opened as I readied the thermometer to take his temperature. 

 

"What do you need?" I asked as he tried to rise.

 

"Bathroom," he confessed. 

 

My Alex was so thin that moving him was all too easy. My supporting hand around his waist could almost have spanned it. "Didn't he feed you?" I asked.

 

"I didn't have any other way to escape," he said.

 

"You were starving yourself to death?" I asked.

 

"I needed out of that cage," Alex answered.

 

I shuddered and my own legs went weak. If we hadn't kept searching, if we had been a few weeks later, I would never have had this chance. My grip on him tightened involuntarily until he flinched.

 

"Walter?" he said, "I really need to go."

 

I realized we had stopped and I loosened my hold on him. He let me help him and then asked to be washed. I sat him on the toilet seat. I didn't want to get his bandages wet so he couldn't shower, but I got a chair to set in the tub with a towel to pad it. That way it wouldn't strain anything to get in and out of the bath. Somehow, in 

the process, I was wetter than he was. I stopped to strip off and felt his eyes on me as I shoved off my trousers. 

 

I was afraid that he thought I was going to rape him then I was ashamed to admit that I was concerned that he would find my body repulsive. I wasn't as fit as I had been when I made him my lover. His eyes seemed to find some inner fire and he licked his lips as he studied me.

 

"You look good, Walter," he said. "I bet you can still pick up the young ones in a bar."

 

"I don't want to pick anyone up," I said. "There hasn't been anyone since you, Alex."

 

I lied to him, but the whore I picked up when Sharon sent the divorce papers that final time shouldn't count. I had loved no one else. I had let no one in my heart.

 

His eyes flashed at me again and I smiled as I sat on the edge of the tub to finish washing him. Watching him for reaction, I kissed his inner thigh. He tensed for a moment and then his hand stroked my head.

 

"I want you," I whispered, "as soon as you are well, I'm going to court you like I did when we met."

 

"Court me?" he asked. He laughed, a faint, sneering sound. "You don't court whores."

 

"Call yourself that again and I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap," I threatened. 

 

Those enormous pools of green grew wider yet. Alex raised his brow and said, "You wouldn't?"

 

I lathered the sandalwood scented bar and looked him in the eyes. He said, "You would."

 

 

I nodded and used the lather to finish his bath. He felt so frail to me. His heart felt rapid when I touched his chest. His spirit was always too strong for his flesh. 

 

"You will get better," I promised.

 

"If you say so," he agreed, but he smiled sweetly and I knew he accepted that I did care. 

 

I think Alex knew I wasn't going to let him lock his heart away in a cage.

 

~~~~~

 

We didn't make love that day. He was too weak, but every day, I watched as the flesh reasserted itself. His color improved and he gained weight. His wounds healed... the ones that marked him outwardly healed. I knew it would take a great deal more to put the 

ghosts inside to rest. If it took a decade, I would wait.

 

~~~~

 

Mulder came to call about two weeks into Alex's convalescence. I didn't know how he would treat my lover. It was confusing for him to realize that he had known two creatures. One was my Alex, the partner 

with the confusing signals that confounded Mulder and the other was only partially human, a replicant. 

 

I told Mulder on the phone not to come if he couldn't treat Alex with respect. Mulder said that he was in control of himself. 

 

"If I can forgive Dad, I can forgive Alex," he said.

 

Yes, there was that.

 

Bill Mulder was proving a competent witness, unflaggingly revealing the hideous acts and the monstrous betrayal of which he had been apart. He wouldn't be prosecuted, but the few times I spoke to him, I knew it wasn't needed. Bill Mulder burned in a hell of his own making.

 

Having to admit that his father was tainted had rocked Mulder. He had recovered from the shock and he seemed to have handled it. Some men might have been broken by that final revelation. Mulder grew from it. I thought he would.

 

Curious that one Mulder was so reviled and the other nearly worshipped. God knows, Mulder deserved to be recognized. He had never stopped fighting and he had been right. I was proud of him, but now that it was over, I wanted what I had thrown away, my sacrifice to 

the cause.

 

Alex insisted on meeting his old partner in the living room. I had bought him clothing that suited him and fit reasonably well. I had bought things that would allow for the rapid return to his proper weight that I expected. He sat on the couch and I settled beside him, reaching for his hand.

 

Mulder smiled at that, not a mocking smile; it seemed accepting and tender. I could have loved him for that.

 

"You look a lot better," Mulder said.

 

"Walter takes good care of me," Alex said.

 

"That's good. He looks happy. I'm glad you have each other," Mulder said. "Walter told me what you did. In the end, your sacrifice meant a lot to us. We used the information defeat both the aliens and their collaborators."

 

"Spender kept telling me that he had replaced you. That he was winning," Alex said. "I tried not to believe him, but I was half crazy in that cage. Toward the end, he stopped...using me the way he had been doing. I saw no one but him. He seemed as if something made him hate me more than ever."

 

Mulder laughed and said, "Alex, you should be proud. You have the only rogue replicant in Consortium history. It threw Spender down the stairs, tried to kill him."

 

"Really? Wow," Alex said. "He brought it to see me from time to time. I even took care of it after it had its arm `cut off. It was intelligent. They...they seem so human at times. I tried to persuade it to help me, to help you, but I didn't think I had any success. I think it wanted to be human, but it was going mad. There was something amiss with the genetic code. Spender blamed me for it 

trying to kill him? I'd be glad to take the credit, but I doubt that I was the cause."

 

"How are the hearings going?" I asked, noticing that Alex's face was darkening. I didn't want him to brood too long on the past.

 

"Oh, all done, but the sentencing," Mulder said. "That wasn't why I wanted to see you."

 

I stared at him, knowing he would get to the point eventually. He smiled and took two flat cases out of his pocket.

 

The one he handed me held a Medal of Honor. I saw the shock on Alex's face as he saw his held the same. Mulder said, "The President wants to give these to you himself, but I thought I had better warn you."

 

Alex ran from the room. I followed and found him face down on the bed. He was sobbing in awful silent shudders, so hard that the bed shook beneath him. I rubbed his back and said, "Alex, you deserve the 

medal. You gave up as much as anyone."

 

"No, I didn't do anything. I can't stand up there like that. They'll know! They'll know what he did to me," Alex said.

 

I heard the young man's pride in his voice. Ah, Alex, you didn't lose as much as you thought you did. I said, "All right, you don't have to accept it. I'll send mine back too."

 

Mulder had followed me. I felt his weight settle on the bed and was surprised to see him place his hand on Alex's shoulder. "I haven't accepted mine yet either, Alex. If you don't deserve yours then I don't deserve mine. Too bad...I suppose you won't let yourself be reinstated either? I was looking forward to having you as a partner. 

Scully seems to have decided that she wants a desk job until the kid's in school, at least."

 

A glittering green eye peered from the shadow of his arm. He cleared his throat and asked, "You really want me to be your partner?"

 

"Yeah," Mulder said. "I think I need someone who understands the X Files as well as I do. Now, that I have my department back, I need a partner, some intelligent, observant fellow who won't put me on a pedestal. Scully will tell you that I need someone to question me. I 

seem to remember you were good at that."

 

I would have sworn that Alex would never want back in the FBI, but he said, "Yeah, I was. A lot of that stuff I said to you was true. I did respect you when you weren't jumping to conclusions or being an asshole."

 

Mulder looked at me and winked. I guess he knew my lover better than I thought. Alex sniffed and I handed him a handful of tissue paper. He wiped his face and then said, "Okay."

 

"Okay, you'll work with me?" Mulder said.

 

Alex nodded.

 

"And you'll stand beside me and Walter to get the medal you deserve?" Mulder said with a stern air that I didn't know he had.

 

"If that's the only way that Walter will take his," Alex said.

 

"It is," I said.

 

"All right," Alex said. "I will."

 

~~~~~~

 

In front of the crowd, Alex looked remote and exotic. I saw the President hesitate as he approached him as if not sure if the tiger was tame. I kept my eyes front, like the marine I had been. My peripheral vision caught a glint of humor in Mulder's eye. He loved this. He loved making the men who had so often mocked him fight to have a picture taken at his side. He loved making them pin a medal on the chest of a double agent that scared the hell out of them.

 

Later at the reception, I saw Alex slink away. He found a balcony and paced there, gracefully. He looked sleek in the moonlight, remote and glorious. Tonight...tonight, I would seduce him and tame my panther all over again.

 

My old friend, General Harmon, approached me. He had risen through the ranks from the sergeant that he had once been. "So, Private, do I need to spank your libido down again before you sleep with the enemy?"

 

Shaking my head, I said, "Wouldn't work this time."

 

"That's a wild one," he remarked. "I wouldn't approach him without a whip and chair."

 

"I won't need them," I said. 

 

Alex finally noticed me looking at him and he smiled, coming to me with light steps. 

 

"Let's go home," I said.

 

Harmon nodded at Alex's expression. "I guess not, Walter, I guess that you have this one in hand."

 

It would take time. I knew that. But I knew that he was free now. He had let himself out of the cage.

 

And we had all the time in the world now to heal.

 

The end


End file.
